Today could be my birthday, but it is SO VERY NOT!

A very merry unbirthday to everyone!

Shoot The Moon

Hot on the heels of the "our anti-missile missiles are bigger than your anti-missile missiles," raining satellite event of last week comes news of plans to shoot the moon, literally! I mean we shot a tiny comet really fucking far away a few years ago in project "Deep Impact" which to my dismay was NOT porn related, and now we have shot a tiny target really close to us. It only seems logical that we need to shoot a big fucking thing only kinda far away, right? I mean we ARE UH-MERICA, shooting things is what we do! Yeah, yeah, yeah "they" wanna find water in the form of ice on the moon so we can put a Starbucks there too, but I am willing to bet it got funded solely because we are gonna shoot the bugger!

Yo Vanilla, Kick It One Time Boyyyyyy!

It is moving weekend in my house, so...

I'm gonna crack a beer or 6, set the ipod to my totally awesome 90's mix, sag my sweat pants to look like Hammer pants and...

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh oh-oh
STOP Hammer time!

p.s. if you hike up the bottoms of the sweats while they are sagged to expose knee high checker board Vans socks you MIGHT look like a gay Ompah Loompah... i'm just saying... not that I would know this for fact...

Albus Outed!

A recent over exposure to daytime television has apparently brought out my inner tabloid nature against my will, and in my aimless web browsing I stumbled upon this little gem.

Albus Dumbledore, our favorite Hogwarts Headmaster, is GAY!

Awwwwww... big gay hugs!

An Associated Press article details how J.K. Rowling outed her character in response to audience questions Friday evening at an appearance at New York's Carnegie Hall. What this fact has to do with the story, I do not know but I love ya, you big gay wizard you.

We'll Miss You Old Friend

Today an American icon hangs up his skinny ass microphone. Bob Barker is retiring after 35 years as the host of The Price is Right. Where else can you see someone nearly wet themselves over the most hideous living room furniture set of all time? That’s right, American daytime television. It was a brilliantly simple concept only rivaled by the short lived Supermarket Sweep but what it had in exotic meats and cheeses, The Price is Right has in Barker’s Beauties. These showroom models have hung on his arm and demonstrated the proper way to ride a Jet Ski throughout all of his 35 years. Bob, in his ultimate Pimp Daddy style, refers to them his “lovelies.”

Huge groups of college students, housewives, on-leave military men and anyone else who felt the need to “Come on down,” would fill the overly enthusiastic crowd in the hopes to get on the show. The luckiest of contestants not only would get to talk to “The Bob” but would get to play Plinko the greatest game ever to grace the television screen. All of this is just leading up to the money shot, spinning the giant wheel. The contestants that got closest to $1.00 would move on to the Showcase Showdown were you might win an entire room full of crap, if you guess the actual retail value of said crap.

Yes, it is a sad day but will I be home watching the last show? NO PEOPLE, I have shit to do and it is on in the middle of the day!

Much love to you Bob!
Spay and neuter your pets.